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Old 10-29-2013, 05:24 PM   #1
Jay
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Affordable Boat Act

Affordable Boat Act

The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The affordable boat
act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014.
These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each.
This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration
fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.

This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and
financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new
laws ensures that every American can now have a "affordable" boat of their
own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your
boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" life jackets; not
including monthly usage fees.

In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of
owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way,
wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or
can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain
their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can
use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase
their own boat.

If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you
can't). If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one
anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can't afford one, you will be regularly fined
$800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.

Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the
desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not
exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are
acceptable excuses for not using your boat.

A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between the
port starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when,
where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with
how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy
enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat
has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories,(like
a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.

Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so...it's only fair.
The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with
these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat,
they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers.
Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$)
are also exempt.

If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else..

Yea...it's that stupid...
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Old 10-30-2013, 06:55 AM   #2
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I've owned a boat before. I know it's not the point of your satire, but I'm pretty sure "affordable boat" is an oxymoron. They are money pits.
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Old 10-30-2013, 09:26 AM   #3
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The idea makes as much sense as everything else our government is doing with our money. The oceans are rising and everyone is going to need a boat soon. We should start by giving billions, maybe even trillions of dollars to the boat building industry so that it would create millions of new jobs, in China, where the boats would actually be built, after we borrowed the money from China to build the boats, which we really don't need or want. It's another brilliant government program.
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Old 10-30-2013, 09:34 AM   #4
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The best way to enjoy boats is by having a friend that owns one. I have had exactly two boats in my life, not counting john boats or canoes, and they were an absolute money vacuum. The sailboat was fine as long as I was living on it, but when I started to date my [now] wife, she refused to live on it because she was afraid it would sink while we were sleeping. We slept on it a few times after that, but it soon became clear that I would have to give up the girl or give up the boat, because I couldn't afford both.

That was a sad time for me, because I had a lot of pretty good times on that old bucket.
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Old 10-30-2013, 01:59 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by ancona View Post:
The best way to enjoy boats is by having a friend that owns one. I have had exactly two boats in my life, not counting john boats or canoes, and they were an absolute money vacuum. The sailboat was fine as long as I was living on it, but when I started to date my [now] wife, she refused to live on it because she was afraid it would sink while we were sleeping. We slept on it a few times after that, but it soon became clear that I would have to give up the girl or give up the boat, because I couldn't afford both.

That was a sad time for me, because I had a lot of pretty good times on that old bucket.
was motorcycles for me, but it became more of a safety issue. I had a canoe once. We rarely used it, once RJ and I went fishing and caught some illegal bass, which were delicious.
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Old 10-30-2013, 02:12 PM   #6
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...

If you have enough gold, a boat might be a fabulous investment! Make sure you take your PMs out with you, and be careful!
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Old 10-30-2013, 07:19 PM   #7
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" A boat is a hole in the water surrounded by fiberglass that you throw money into."
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Old 10-31-2013, 12:06 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Chigg View Post:
" A boat is a hole in the water surrounded by fiberglass that you throw money into."
Perfect analogy......perfect
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Old 10-31-2013, 08:06 PM   #9
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That quote was on a sign at the service desk of a local boat dealer. At least they were upfront about it.
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Old 11-01-2013, 07:37 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Chigg View Post:
" A boat is a hole in the water surrounded by fiberglass that you throw money into."
With so many holes in your boats, no wonder there are so many boating accidents around here!
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:21 PM   #11
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That's a really old saying in the boat biz. We used to leave out the fiberglass (then a new thing) and just say a boat is a hole in the water you attempt to fill with money. Close enough!

But I have to say, about the only thing I miss here in the mountains is - no large bodies of water to do sailing on, no bays, no ocean. I have go get my "fix" by going somewhere and renting one.

As in the other saying: "if it flies, floats, or fscks - rent it".
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Old 11-18-2013, 11:46 AM   #12
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"Affordable Cartoon Act"
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Last edited by benjamen; 11-18-2013 at 11:49 AM.
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