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Old 01-30-2015, 04:57 PM   #1
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Idiot of the week award

So I get a call from the wife at work, which is nearly unprecedented, so I answer since usually it means something is broken, fucked up or that someone is sick enough to bother me at work about. She proceeds to laugh and tell me that she's sorry for bugging me but she thought it was important to share this little gem with me.

A guy on our street that tends to stay to himself and just sort of exist in peace was home all day, as was my wife, os she witnessed this for the first and quite likely only time in her life. Now I don't have any more than a nod and wave relationship with him, but the wife knew his girlfriend before they broke up so she has a better relationship with him. While doing laundry today she hears someone at the front of the house knocking furiously on the door. this is unusual for my street, so to be safe she grabs a .32 auto we keep in the laundry room "just in case" chambers a round and goes up front. She gets there and sees this guy covered from his face to his belly button in blood, and blood pouring through his fingers he's holding over his nose. She immediately goes in to mommy mode and brings him inside to help him clean up.

Over the next half hour they couldn't get the bleeding to stop so she convinces him to go to the ER and get a doctor to help. He reluctantly agreed, so she put old towels on her car seat and ran him to the hospital about fifteen minutes away. When they get there, she got herded in back with him, since they apparently thought she was his wife.

The doctor eventually comes in and asks the guy what the fuck happened. This is what he told him [I wrote it in first person because it's easier that way]:

"I had a nose hair driving me crazy that I couldn't seem to pluck out with tweezers, so I got out a nose hair trimmer that I got one Christmas for a gag gift. I put the battery in it and turned it on to use it. Instead of cutting the hairs it seemed to be just tugging on them, which was painful, so I took the thing and looked to see if it was put together right. When I twisted the chrome plated guard at the top it slipped right off. I looked at the cutter set-up and it appeared that the thing could be used just like that, only I'd get a closer cut. Well, when I put it back in my nostril and turned it on, the blade set grabbed the tissue and spun the trimmer head all the way around my nostril nearly instantaneously. When I jerked my hand away, it caught more deeply and bored a hole right through my nostril. That's when I was able to yank it out."

The wife said the doctor had to leave the room because he couldn't strop himself from laughing. Now I'm no sadist, but I would have paid money to see that!
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Last edited by ancona; 01-31-2015 at 12:41 PM.
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Old 01-30-2015, 05:17 PM   #2
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Oh wow. I am trying to picture that happening.

I have one of those on order. I dont think it would do damage.
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Old 01-31-2015, 03:30 AM   #3
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It is hard to believe that there are so many people in the world that do some of the dumbest things possible. But every time I turn around I hear about someone who seems to be dumber than the last one. Didn't this guy stop to think that the company that designed and made the clipper would not have paid good money to put a guard there without a good reason? Apparently not.

No matter how hard one tries, it is impossible to protect people from themselves.
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Old 02-01-2015, 12:32 PM   #4
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It's because of morons like that they have to put the most ridiculous labels on EVERYTHING! Not to mention one more reason everything costs more than it should as they have to have all the lawyers to defend (settle) lawsuits from morons like that and tell them they need to add a label.
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Old 02-02-2015, 03:12 PM   #5
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Like sticking a Dremel tool up there with the miniature sanding drum.
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