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Old 12-11-2013, 03:52 PM   #1
Yellow Jacket
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,511
Liked: 671 times
might be a dead horse

just got this email:


Flowers, Anyone ?

Receptionist: Hello, Welcome to Obama Flowers. My name is Trina. How can I help you?
Customer: Hello, I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
Receptionist: Yes, I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.
Customer: Thanks. I ordered a "Spring Bouquet" for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife.
Receptionist, interrupting: Sir, "Spring Bouquets" do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses Package.
Customer: But I have always ordered "Spring Bouquets"— done it for years, my wife loves them.
Receptionist: Roses are better, sir; I am sure your wife will like them.
Customer: Well, how much are they?
Receptionist: It depends, sir. Do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold, or Platinum package?
Customer: What's the difference?
Receptionist: 6, 12, 18, or 24 red roses.
Customer: The Silver package may be okay. How much is it?
Receptionist: It depends, sir. What is your monthly income?
Customer: What does that have to do with anything?
Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our Flower Aid department.
Customer: Flower Aid ?
Receptionist: Yes, flowers are a right. Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can't afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
Customer: Who said they were a right?
Receptionist: Congress passed it, the president signed it, and the Supreme Court found it constitutional.
Customer: Whoa… I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right.
Receptionist: It is not really a right in the Constitution, but Obama Flowers is constitutional because the Supreme Court ruled it a "tax." Taxes are constitutional. But we feel it is a right.
Customer: I don't believe this…
Receptionist: It's the law of the land, sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver package, so what is your monthly income, sir?
Customer: Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.
Receptionist: In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income.
Customer: Why?
Receptionist: To determine what your "non-participation" cost would be.
Customer: WHAT? You can't charge me for NOT buying flowers!
Receptionist: It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It's $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income—
Customer: This is ridiculous. I'll pay the $9.50.
Receptionist: Sir, it is the $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a ripoff!!
Receptionist: Actually, sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
Customer: Look, I'm going to call my congressman to find out what's going on here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay it.
Receptionist: Sorry to hear that, sir. That's why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?
Receptionist: So they get your GPS coordinates, sir.
(Doorbell rings, followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)
Receptionist: That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling Obama Flowers, have a nice day... and God bless America.
mmerlinn and Cronus like this.
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