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Old 01-21-2013, 10:49 AM   #1
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Cool Thown away like an old tissue (ME)

RECALL last summer- when I posted about my cousin who was sexually abused- the thread was quite interesting. At one point Julie (Chicago) wanted to move in with me- but that I did not want.

2-3 months ago- she defriended me- and my sister- and pretty much most or all of our mutual cousins. I thought- ok- she needs some time.

Well 3 months is time.

I spent hours on the phone with her- at the time- one brother said he felt sorry for her, my other brother said- he never liked her, and my sister said she has not changed.

I however thought- let bygones be bygones.

There was an incident where she gave me the cell number to our cousin cindy. (in CO) Cindys sister posted on fb- a picture of a housing developed- completely on fire. (recall the CO fires) She said cindy lost her house - burned to the ground- and the fire now threatens her business. So- being we grew up together- I thought it was no big deal to ask Julie for Cindys number so I could text her. Wouldn't you want to hear from loved ones if your house burned down?
I sent 2 texts to her. She replied to one. On the 2nd text I mentioned a truck hit my power line to my house and that was a costly loss to me.

A few weeks after this- aunt Shirley- called aunt Judy, who then called Julie- to say cindy had to change her phone number because I called and asked her for a job. DUDE! I am retired! I own a house in PA. I have no interest in EVER leaving PA. I have no plans to work.

To be fair- when I was 20- I did do some crazy things. But I am 49 now. My life is built here in PA- (to the extended family- I should have been dead by now as I am the black sheep- to them I should have died by now- the loser)


In another exchange- Julie gave some guy with a sign will work for food- $10. She posted this. I commented to the effect we had a guy like that here who I told him I would hire him to paint my house- he never called, never showed up. A scam. She then deleted the thread.

I sort of understand my 2 aunts- not likely me. They have perfect families and perfect lives. They are the shining example. My dad (city folk) was supposed to marry their best friend- but met my mom from out of state (country bumpkin, breasty blonde) when he was in the navy- so mom was the outsider who wrecked the perfect family and us kids are the product of that wreckage.

I butted heads a few times with aunt shirley. How dare I be a bad family member. How dare I not be perfect. So how did a text go to be "repeated phone calls asking for a job" ?

Oh- and as it turns out- cindys house did in fact not actually burn down- but the next subdivision did.

Should I tell Julie how I feel? Or should I let it go?
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Old 01-21-2013, 01:06 PM   #2
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Penn, well your whole situation here sounds convoluted to a Bearing with a round hole where his brain should be.

What's past is past, water under the bridge. Yet old resentments live on, that is very typical. I myself will soon be dealing with some wreckage that I left in my wake from long ago as well. And it will not be pretty for me either.

One possibility would be to send an email out to all who are still smoldering and/or grinding axes... Something like you truly regret any hurt you have caused in the past and are willing to make amends, at THEIR request (so, if ever...) if they choose. Then tell them, as the black sheep, that if they want you to leave them alone, well then that you will.

But that you will always be there for her/them (if you still feel that way). Leave it up to them.

Such an email may yield NO results re your relationships with them, but would clear the air and allow YOU some peace in that you will have demonstrated that you are willing to make amends for any hurt. That alone may be worth the effort. Even if they tell you nothing or to get out of their lives. You will have acted in good faith, and can leave it at that.

And if they do not respond (or choose to respond negatively)? That reflects more on them rather than on you. You will have taken the first step, if they do not want to go any further, then let them go.

No one can save the world. Each of us can just do a little. ALL of us have internal problems, it is our responsibility "to keep OUR SIDE of the street swept and clean..."
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Old 01-21-2013, 02:10 PM   #3
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I would mend the fence so to speak Penn. Family may be hard to deal with sometimes, and they can be irrationally emotional, but they're still family, and you only get to have one family.

I would go ahead and extend the olive branch, it can't hurt.
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Old 01-21-2013, 02:15 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by ancona View Post:
I would mend the fence so to speak Penn. Family may be hard to deal with sometimes, and they can be irrationally emotional, but they're still family, and you only get to have one family.

I would go ahead and extend the olive branch, it can't hurt.
What A said.

My mentor once said to me, Jay, when you run over someones cat, you don't take them a dead cat and say "Here's your flat cat back".

You take them a kitten.
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Old 01-21-2013, 02:24 PM   #5
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That made me laugh outloud. ; - )
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:58 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by ancona View Post:
That made me laugh outloud. ; - )
...let me think why, ancona, knowing you, you'd probably bring back the flat cat, huh?
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