- Reaction score
what do you do?
One idea I do sometimes is go talk to her in the middle of the day. The idea is if we get chit chat in- she feels wanted. It pisses me off when we have guests to dinner and they want to talk about the evil in the world- the dinner hour is supposed to be light conversation. Eating on a worried/tense stomach is not optimal.Talk to her. And turn off your computer for awhile. It is competing against her for your attention.
Now ... go talk to her!
She is 78 year old neighbor lady. Not a wife, not a date. Some of the dynamics are such that I am the 3rd husband- at times- the son at times- and a friend at other times.To clarify, is "she" a wife or a friend?
If "wife", then my comment stands.
If "friend", then you have the power to control when and how often you visit.
In either case, PMBug's comment: "Be honest", stands.
While the rest of your advice is good, I do question the advisability of this. It is not honest and if she finds out, then she WILL want to talk, and it might not be a warm, fuzzy, feel-good conversation....Maybe just beg off and say you don't feel all theat well and don't want to spread around whatever it is you may have....
OK, very different situation. (If I could give a word of advice? Not everyone on a board like this knows your personal situation, so a bit more info up front would be a good idea). My advice on dealing with a 78 year old neighbour lady is a tad different than with your wife.She is 78 year old neighbor lady. Not a wife, not a date. Some of the dynamics are such that I am the 3rd husband- at times- the son at times- and a friend at other times.
I assume you are married...
Do you want it to stay that way?
If so, be yourself but don't be an ass Don't resent her for wanting to spend time with you. Your frustrations probably have very little to do with her or your dinner guests.
Figure out what is really bugging you. I am guessing it's something you either don't know how to resolve or have been avoiding.
the dymanics there are - blended- in some ways I am the husband. We have done dinners for 2 years now.OK, very different situation. (If I could give a word of advice? Not everyone on a board like this knows your personal situation, so a bit more info up front would be a good idea). My advice on dealing with a 78 year old neighbour lady is a tad different than with your wife.
What I said about controlling the visits and conversation applies here.
She needs other interests. Why not give her something to read (maybe on PM's or gardening or whatever that YOU find interesting) and then tell her you'd like to discuss it.She writes down in a journal what we had for dinner- and if I liked it. She reads all the womans magazines.
One barrier is that she really could use a hearing aid- so when I do talk I have to repeat EVERYTHING. So over time- it is better to say less. One remedy was to make sure the leaf is out of the table...so that we are closer. Phone conversations are even worse- then I have to repeat everything 2x.