JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me.
The older lady in the next table says; “It’s pronounced ‘quiche’, dear.”

Moar like —

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 18, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency. She was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

A 'joke' addressing the current illegal immigrant situation —

An Arab, a Mexican and a Georgia girl are in Olde Towne Tavern in Lawrenceville
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces...
He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he's a Muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces...
He says, 'In the Arab World we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The cool Georgia girl, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In Georgia we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'