I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me.
The older lady in the next table says; “It’s pronounced ‘quiche’, dear.”
The older lady in the next table says; “It’s pronounced ‘quiche’, dear.”
JOKE OF THE DAY!?!
- Thread starter Bottom Feeder
- Start date
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Moar like —
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
When I was 18, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency. She was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
When I was 18, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency. She was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
A 'joke' addressing the current illegal immigrant situation —
An Arab, a Mexican and a Georgia girl are in Olde Towne Tavern in Lawrenceville
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces...
He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he's a Muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces...
He says, 'In the Arab World we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The cool Georgia girl, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In Georgia we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
An Arab, a Mexican and a Georgia girl are in Olde Towne Tavern in Lawrenceville
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces...
He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he's a Muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces...
He says, 'In the Arab World we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The cool Georgia girl, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In Georgia we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
SNOW!! MOAR DAMNED SNOW!!!
what prescience those parents had.
got the ads worded a bit wrong, though…
got the ads worded a bit wrong, though…
Viking
Yellow Jacket
Saint Paul, MN— A local man was seen shoveling snow in his driveway like some sort of idiot, because apparently, he doesn't know snow just melts and goes away by itself.
"Gotta get this snow off my sidewalk," said the poor sap as he toiled pointlessly with his shovel. "I'm responsible!"
Onlookers reportedly stopped to gawk at the sight. "Does this guy know how ridiculous he looks?" asked one bystander. "Snow is made of water. It just disappears on its own. What an idiot!"
Sources confirmed that the man planned to shovel his driveway as soon as he finished his sidewalk, apparently unaware that cars can just drive over snow pretty easily, and he could be doing something way more productive with his time, like playing video games.
Experts believe snow shoveling was invented by the shovel industry as a ploy to sell snow shovels during off season. "I'm not falling for it," said one savvy consumer.
At publishing time, neighbors had said they had witnessed the man mowing his grass on multiple occasions, despite the fact that it just grows back.
